From the Blaxploitation Files: Me and Foxy Brown

So it's our first date. He takes me to a movie. Who doesn't take me to a movie these days, right? We met in sociology class and really connected on this deeper level, you know? It was groovy. I was hoping we could have some dinner or maybe go to the museum or something but... he takes me to a movie. I'm getting pretty damn sick of all these dates and all these movies with people beating the hell outta each other. We went to go see Foxy Brown. My sister said it was righteous so, why not. I've finished my paper so I have nothing else to do. Besides, the brotha is fine!

So I'm ready to go, I got my new cardigan sweater on and the hippest bell bottoms I could find. You know, sophisticated but funky! When he saw the way i was dressed I guess he thought it was a little too sophisticated. He took one look at my sweater and said, "Baby, don't you know we're going to see Foxy Brown!?! You gotta show a little sumthin. sumthin!" I almost smacked him upside the head and shut the door but I'm a lady so I politely said, "Look here, Baby, I am a lady and I dress like one. AND I know I look good!" He responded with an, "Excuuuuuse me, Miss Thang!" We get to the movies and this brotha is on thin ice, okay! I make him buy me two large popcorns, two boxes of candy and a large soda that I did NOT plan on sharing, thank you very much!

I followed him in the theater and the lights went down. I don't know how long it was into the movie before I saw Pam Grier's breasts for the first time. She revealed these two beautiful, brown mountains of flesh and the entire male audience cheered. Some women cheered, some laughed at their dates, some hit their dates, and some closed their eyes. I was stuck in my chair, completely mesmerized. Every time they showed her tits I couldn't help but think about my own! I felt like the entire audience was staring right through my blouse and fondling me with their eyes even though they were all facing the other direction, looking at Foxy. As the movie went on I swear to you I felt my breasts grow into these larger than life mounds that began to cover my face, began to cover my date's face and oh how he loved it! He started fondling my breasts, sucking on my breasts after he would suck the straw in his soda. It was unbelievable! I was appalled by everyone starting at my boobs and this "you know what" sucking on them! I was so appalled because I started to like it!

I popped out of my trance. I looked around and all was normal in the theater. The audience was cheering because some white woman just received her white boyfriend's dick in a pickle jar. I looked down at my chest. I didn't want to, but, I did. My boobs were back to their normal B-cup. I looked at my date who was staring at me like I had 10 heads. He asked if I was alright and I just said, "Of course, why do you ask?" He said i as all sweaty and breathing really hard. I looked at him, carefully, and my heart began to race. I kissed him slowly and I could almost feel my boobs growing again! I told him I was ready to go home, if you know what I mean. When he asked me if I was sure I said, "Don't let the cardigan fool you. I am an erotic beast!" He took my hand and we left.

I don't know what it is about Foxy Brown but that movie introduced me to a more confident, sexual side of myself. It also introduced me to my husband. Every year on our anniversary we watch Foxy Brown before we go to bed.