Dear Future Husband: Let's Just Keep It Open

Like the rest of the world, I've seen Lemonade about five times now, okay maybe seven. And like the rest of the world, I agree it's hands down, another big ass slice of flawless, divine, unicorn magic provided by the queen. Beyonce is seriously the most hyped up celebrity that is STILL underrated. Her perfection is unquestionable and unfathomable. She's everything I didn't know I needed. Ugh, Jay-Z, you're stupid. Okay, I'm digressing kind of...but for real, Beyonce really had me thinking, "Damn, I can't believe Prince is gone...but Beyonce. I have Beyonce." That's an awful fucking thought and yet...that's how I felt. 

So, watching Lemonade and it only took about three minutes into the hour-long special for my heart to break. For a couple that is so "private" about their relationship, Beyonce sure does drop some provocatively personal lyrics. If you haven't seen Lemonade...stop reading this and do so now. The pain felt by so many women is so painfully but beautifully woven into every lyric. She gets as bold as taking off a ring and throwing it, stating "you gon' lose your wife" and we've all heard about the Rachel Roy/Becky With The Good Hair controversy. Ok, if you haven't, in Lemonade Beyonce tells her theoretical man to go get "Becky with the good hair" i.e. some perceived mistress then some woman (a designer) named Rachel Roy tweeted about having good hair and not caring after Lemonade dropped.... fucccccccing ballsy. Anyway, the video album is dripping in blatant "hints" that Jay-Z cheats, cheated, was probably cheating while the video was being shot, and it's just heart-wrenching. 

I've been there. I've been cheated on but frankly, the cheating didn't affect me like I thought it would. I assumed my ex had cheated on me in the past and one night I was just like, "Can we talk about your infidelity?" then we did. It was hard, excruciating but... I was somehow fine pretty quickly after. My ex has done some SERIOUS damage to my heart, more than I thought possible for someone like me: I'm insanely open and forgiving and resilient...alas... those you really love can easily destroy you. This pain was caused not by cheating though, but by other lies he told, betrayals he executed without batting an eyelash. And those are the things that hurt. Those are the things that crush a woman's spirit. It's not the sex with another person. It's the gross disrespect, the spit in the face, the lies, the betrayal, the complete disregard for a life together built. And clearly it doesn't just apply to women, men know this pain all too well. 

Maybe it's fear speaking but I'd rather have an open relationship than ever be in a situation where a man can embarrass me this much and crush my spirit. But then again, like I said, this was done to me and it wasn't even because of cheating sooooo yeah, love is always dangerous, always.

But. I don't think I can handle signing up for a monogamous relationship and having to deal with such an egregious breach of contract or even the possibility of it. Since it's the lies that hurt more than the physical acts, I truly believe I'd have no problem in a relationship where sex was your own business and not for me to control (as long as we're all being safe here). 

Now I must add that an open relationship (for me) isn't just some silly defense mechanism that I'd use trying not to get hurt but in turn is a really bad fucking idea. When I think about a man I'm dating, when I think about him with another woman...that mess turns me all the way on! I know people will always ALWAYS be attracted to multiple people at once; we're just not "supposed to" act on said attraction. I honestly don't see the big deal. If you can love me and commit to building a life with me and honor me based on OUR standards, not society's, I really have no problem with you boning that hot waitress we're both always staring at. Sounds crazy to some but for me I think it's sexy as hell and I believe in acknowledging my partner's sexuality, not caging and confining it. There are always rules, rules in a relationship are just pragmatic, tangible signs of respect. They're great and necessary. I just don't think monogamy has to be one of those rules, not for me anyway.

I can handle you hooking up with other women. I really can. As a matter of fact, I want you to come home and tell me allllllllll the delicious details. What I can NOT handle is disrespect. I can not handle lying to my face. I can not handle the facade I run into like a brick wall you've built to cover up your shame. I can not handle the barrels of lemons men hand women on a daily basis forcing them to conjure up some sort of "make it work" lemonade.

The pain in Beyonce's words is so raw and real it stops you in your tracks. I absolutely dread ever having to feel that way. I know it's always a possibility when you love someone. People hurt people, there's no way around that. But the pain that comes from sexual misconduct due to socially construed rules...I'll pass. Dear future husband, let's just keep it open.