My God


Loving him was never quite right. I could list the cliches: I spoke and he didn't listen. I showed up and he abandoned. I could cry the bitter tears of a servant with no master. But the details do not matter. He was never mine to love. Placed on a cross I'm not sure he signed up for. A cross he didn't deserve. I guess we both did our best. Him to be my god and me to be his sheep. When I lost him, I prayed my last prayer. I prayed for you. For someone I could truly worship. Someone to give all of my praise and devotion, ironically blind with all faith.

I'm okay admitting it, even if You don't agree. Your feet will be my alter, Your body, the body of christ, Your blood, his blood. You will be my God. I'll proclaim Your name like I once proclaimed his. To me it is the same. To me You mean more. Worshiping You is the purest devotion I can give. It comes without doubt, without fear. It comes with a God I believe in. I'm okay admitting it, even if You don't agree. I take joy in my sacrilege as I worship at Your feet. 

Maybe You're a vessel as some would claim. Maybe the love I hear in Your voice is his way of calling me back, keeping me through You. I won't argue if that's true. It won't change my actions, it won't redirect my following. For me, there is only You.

I won't ask for a cross, this servitude does not require You to lay down Your life. I will lay down my own. I will pick up my splintered cross and follow You. Wherever You go, I will be there, even if You lead me back to him. 

My hands will lift to You, my heart will fill with praise. My lips will declare Your name and the world will know Your glory. You will be my God, even if You don't agree. I take joy in my sacrilege as I worship at Your feet. 



Hey, girl. Can I be more than your slave?

Can I build you an alter?

A shrine to your beauty, a throne for your soul?

Can I worship you?

 Bask in your presence and praise you in all of your glory.

 Can I wash your feet with tears of service?

Can I lay down my life for you?

Sacrifice my heart, soul and sanity for the mere chance it might make you smile.

In my midnight hour can I call on your name and find peace?

Can I believe in you whether you respond to me or not?

Can I have blind faith that you are all I'll ever need?

My beginning and my end. 

Can I proclaim to the world that you are my truth, my way and my light?

Can I worship you?

Enter your presence and cry tears of joy, tears of love, tears of unshakable faith.

Can I bear your cross around my neck and let the world know I would die for you?

Can I expect nothing from you?

Can I surrender when you won't?

Can I smile when you leave me? Laugh when you forsake me? Dance when you break me?

Can I thank you for the trials and tribulations you gift me?

For the lessons in unconditional love.

Please, baby, please can I worship you?

Will you be my God? Will you sit in my sky and feed off of my praise?

When my praises go up, will your blessings come down? Can I keep honoring you when they don’t?

You know what, girl? Never mind.

I shouldn’t ask your permission. I apologize. I’m sorry to bother you. I ask nothing of you.

Because the truth is, I’m going to worship you.

Whether you want me to or not.

Whether you punish me for it or not.

Whether I’m punishing myself or not.

I’m going to worship you.

A God so great simply can’t go ignored.